Intimidated.

I'm on my last book, "The Healing Power of Water" by Masaru Emoto,  in one of my classes.  I was really excited about this book when I started reading the first chapter.  By chapter 3 I'm seriously intimidated.  This book has a lot to do with Quantum Physics.  On the one hand, I'm totally excited about it, because it somewhat validates what I wrote in a post on another blog I write.  If you've not seen the movie-documentary What The Bleep Do We Know?, I suggest you do it.  It explores the world of Quantum Physics and how thought and intent can actually change the molecular structure of things.  This is enormous!  It actually starts to bridge the HUGE gap between *gasp* science and religion.  (Insert someone who's going to get mad at me for even beginning to suggest that this is possible).  If nothing else, it shows that prayer/magic/meditation, etc works.  I'll write more about that in my OTHER blog....  this is about school  (Trying to stay focused... ). 

So... as I was saying, on the one hand, I was totally excited.  Then by the time I got to chapter 3, it was as if I was looking at Japanese writing.  The men contributing to this book are TRYING their darnedest to get this information out to the general public.  They have significantly "dumbed down" their writing to try and include everyone reading the book.  But at the same time, they have to explain how they have come up with their findings in order for all the other scientists to see their findings as 'valid'.  So, I've encountered physics again.  Lord help me.  It's been at least 15 years since I've looked at anything having to do with physics.  It brings up a lot of insecurities.  The last time I was looking at physics I was attending the North Carolina School of Science and Mathematics.  It made me feel inferior quite often to be around all of those geniuses.  Many of my friends there never had to work a day in their life to get the grades they got.  I had to work my ass off to maintain a glimmering concept of a good grade.  When it came to the higher level physics and Calculus or number theory, I had issues.  I'm honestly not sure how I passed a couple of my courses.  I realize it was during this time in my life that I stopped believing that I could do anything I wanted to in life.  I went from being one of the top students in my class to being one of the lower ones and making mediocre grades in one year.  Yes, the material was harder... yes, I was around (and included with) the smartest minds in North Carolina...  yes, we had all sorts of new opportunities at our fingertips....but my self-confidence plummeted.  I kept waiting for someone to find out I was faking it.  A word of advice to parents going through this decision about someplace for their own kids to go:  if they have a lot of friends, are challenged with their work and not bored with it, and are at the top of their class now... consider leaving them where they are.  My parents and I thought it would help me get in to college.  It actually hurt my chances because I was compared to the people at my school.  Had I stayed at my old high school, I could have gotten a scholarship.  Instead, there were simply better people than me to pick from. 

So, yes... all this comes back to me now.  Part of me says I'll never get through it.  The other part of me knows I can do it.  I know that it's not the Science of it that I am supposed to understand, it's the theory that it can be done.  But some of these questions I have to answer require understanding it all to a degree at least.  Usually if in this situation, I would just get through it by looking up the keywords in the index and looking up the answers I need.  Then I would try to kind of learn around that section.  I know, I'm probably weird.  But sometimes going backwards helps.  And if I don't actually learn the material, at least I've found the answer.  Only one problem: there is no index.  So now I'm just frustrated.

I don't want to tackle this big THING that's in my head.  I guess that's part of my lesson in this life...  to prove to myself that I CAN do anything I put my mind to.  If I let this battle get the best of me, then I won't be living up to my full potential, and I'll always just be mediocre.  The point of this life, for anyone, is to excel at whatever it is you do.  The only way to do that is to take on your battles one at a time and with a positive attitude that you will succeed.  And, really, that's what this whole class is about.  It's teaching me that INTENTION changes things.  If we have good visualization and good thoughts, our water in our body remembers that, and shifts its structure to help me in the way it needs too, as does everything else in this world.  Intention affects everything... even science is agreeing.  What a great way to learn the lesson I need to know!  I can do it, I know I can.  I'm nervous and a bit afraid, but I'll come out on the other side.  I know I will because I'm telling myself I can.  I hope this doesn't sound mushy or crazy.  But, really, I'm writing this for me more than I am anyone out that's out there reading this.  So if it's mushy-sounding, it doesn't really matter.